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Office Memo… June 30, 2008

Posted by Amanda in New Squeaks.
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I can only attribute this to an unknown author, as it was set to me via email:

 

MEMO

To: All Employees

Dear Staff,

We would like to take a few moments to address some issues that have recently arisen.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes. Therefore, you do not need a raise.  If you dress decently, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people will now get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people will get 15 minutes for lunch so they may have a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take an alli diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having any medical procedure to remove anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Cubicle Creations June 20, 2008

Posted by Amanda in Cheesy Whiskers, Mouse Clicks.
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Cubicle Pranks Magazine

Design^3 is THE place to find chic and stylish cubicle designs!  This week we will highlight three wonderful designs by local cyberweb designers.  First up is a wonderful modern design done in the newage material of Aluminum!    My favorite parts of this design are the personally accessories included!  Check it out for yourself:

 

 

Next we look at a more rustic work abode.  Make from recyclable materials, this design is completely biodegradeable. My favorite piece in this design would be the telephone.  It is obviously a custom design made just to fit into this room.  You can’t find something like that in the stores these days.  This room is also very child friendly, perfect for take your kids to work day!

 

 

Our third and final design is all about craftsmanship.  The attention to detail in this design is what really sets it apart.  No expense was spared in this design and it is guaranteed to make even the most disgruntled worker feel right at home.

 

 

Thank you for viewing this week’s issue of Design^3!